Story one · July – November 2026
The 98-Day Countdown
She booked a much-needed vacation in July and counted down ninety-eight days to Punta Cana — aiming the countdown at her mother at day thirty and landing nineteen minutes early.
Read story oneA Snot Nose Pig Patrol side series · New
The Shanna Files
Six standalone stories from the Patrol’s file on its own Fifth Pig — Shanna Kensinger of Fort Myers, Florida: countdown runner, pool UFO witness, Steelers devotee, birthday bureau chief, and the only operative whose field reports arrive with their own punchlines. Read them in any order.
Story two · July 2026
The Pool UFO
A glowing light came down over her pool on a Friday night, and after the week she’d had, her official position was: they can take her with them. The Patrol investigates the pool’s long record.
Read story twoStory three · September – October 2026
Steelers Claus
A mysterious figure leaves the Steelers bathing suit she could never find at her door on the first Sunday of the season. Suspect identified: the best friend.
Read story threeStory four · September 2026
Shut Up, Collinsworth
The short one. A shirt with three words of broadcast criticism, declared the best shirt ever by its owner. The Broadcast Monitoring Division concurs.
Read story fourStory five · Summer 2025
The Barbados File
From the archives: monkeys, a creepy abandoned hotel, Vanilla Ice at the piano bar — twice — and a midnight march through the Atlanta airport like a pack of animals.
Read story fiveStory six · September 2026
The Case of the Dead Lincoln
The original Fifth Pig field report: a lovely Pennsylvania trip, a twelve-hour journey home through Baltimore, and a one-year-old Lincoln that refused to wake up for the welcome home.
Read story six