A family adventure · Inspired by real vacation moments
Jerry’s Secret Pig Patrol
Sunshine, family, and a few very suspicious snouts in Punta Cana.
A playful fictional adventure inspired by a real vacation. The actual Pig Patrol goes unnoticed by Angie, Shanna, and Mark—even when the family can see pigs in photographs or on a game screen. Dreams play by their own rules. Any flying pigs, talking pigs, and secret missions are entirely imaginary. Probably.
Sunday: A Rolling Start
Before the vacation began, Angie, Shanna, and Mark had to make it through the airport. Angie was a little nervous about flying, but she had her backpack and her family alongside her. What could go wrong?
On the escalator, Angie’s backpack slipped. Down it rolled, right in front of Shanna and Mark. A man behind them laughed as Angie watched her bag make an independent attempt to reach the gate.
On the next escalator the backpack began sliding off her shoulder again. The same traveler, still behind them, kindly helped put it back. Angie thanked him. The backpack had apparently decided it needed more attention than anyone else on the trip.
Shanna had packed two bags of Albanese gummy bears for the flight: classic flavors and exotic fruit. The Steelers were on the screen, black and gold were represented, and the vacation was officially underway.
Unbeknownst to the travelers, a small blue snot nose pig was also watching the game. He pointed at the gummy bears. “Emergency provisions,” he whispered. “For emergencies such as being hungry.”
By Sunday evening, the family had arrived in Punta Cana. Shanna and Angie took in a Freddie Mercury tribute show, with performances of “Another One Bites the Dust” and “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Shanna even posed for a picture with the performer.
At the edge of the stage, Blue held a drink umbrella like a microphone. Yellow tried to take a photograph for an as-yet-unexplained assignment, but every picture contained an enormous blue snout.
“Move over,” Yellow whispered.
“I’m the backing vocalist,” Blue replied.
“You’re blocking the entire band.”
The evening ended with the family enjoying their resort and the pigs making plans. What plans? For now, that was a secret.
Monday: The Buffet, the Banana, and the Beginning of a Mission
Angie found a table for breakfast and sat down. She waited for someone to bring a menu. She waited some more. Eventually Mark saw her and explained that breakfast was a buffet: she could simply go and choose her food.
“Well, that explains it,” Angie said.
At another table, Blue also sat waiting with an empty plate. When Angie got up, he grabbed his plate and quietly followed. Yellow took one look at the breakfast spread and asked if the gummy bears were meant to be an appetizer.
Later, Angie moved to a room closer to Shanna and Mark. Her suitcase, however, had not been zipped. It opened during the move, and her things went everywhere. Everyone helped pick them up.
Then Angie couldn’t find her passport. The luggage was searched, belongings were checked, and a little worry spread through the group. Eventually the passport turned up: it had been in her bag all along.
“The important thing is that we found it,” Angie said.
“We conducted a very thorough investigation,” Blue reported. Rainbow looked at the gummy bear in Blue’s hoof. “Is that the evidence?” “Emergency provisions,” Blue replied.
Outside, Shanna enjoyed the beach, the waves, and the view of palm trees and lounge chairs. Angie relaxed in a huge egg chair and later floated in the pool. She loved the beautiful surroundings and was happy to be on the trip. A couple nearby provided some unexpected poolside drama, going from affectionate to arguing while Angie watched from her raft.
There were difficult moments, too. Angie slipped on a wet floor and said she was okay. A large umbrella fell onto Mark’s back; he was checked out and rested in his room afterward. The pigs kept their distance from umbrellas, and everyone hoped he’d feel better soon.
Later, Mark placed a banana on Angie’s head. “The Banana Queen,” he announced. Rainbow adjusted his tiny crown. “Finally,” he said, “someone who understands royal responsibilities.”
That evening brought cocktails, steel drums, and plans for dinner and a show. Along the way, Angie discovered she had accidentally used the men’s restroom. Blue glanced at the sign, flipped over his clipboard, and promised to keep her secret. His clipboard, unfortunately, had already written it down.
Back in Harrisburg, Jerry sent Shanna a picture of a blue snot nose pig relaxing in the sun. “Aw he cute!!” she replied. When Shanna shared her beach view, Jerry sent it back with blue, yellow, red, and a multicolored pig added. “I didn’t even see them!” Shanna wrote.
“That’s because you’re just a snot nose pig without any color,” Jerry replied.
“Where are her colors?” Yellow asked.
“She hasn’t earned them yet,” Rainbow replied.
“What does she have to do?”
Rainbow closed the rulebook. “We’re still making that part up.” He also asked Angie to pass along the message.
The joke went back to childhood. Jerry, John, and Shanna used to add a color with each reply: “You’re a blue snot nose pig.” “You’re a blue and yellow snot nose pig.” “You’re a blue, yellow and red snot nose pig.” The colors kept accumulating—green, purple, whatever came to mind. Finally, someone would announce the ultimate title: an every color in the rainbow snot nose pig.
Jerry always thought it was just a family joke. Then a message arrived from an unfamiliar number:
PIG PATROL READY. AWAITING INSTRUCTIONS.
Jerry called John. “Remember the pigs?”
“Which color?”
“All of them.”
Together they began a secret mission. The pigs would keep an eye on the vacationers, collect funny memories, and report back. Their notes would become the Official Vacation Report—the one now tucked inside that suspicious suitcase. Whatever Jerry and the patrol were planning would remain a surprise.
Blue had volunteered for poolside observation. Somehow, Rainbow had turned it into an office job.
Yellow appointed himself Head of Emergency Snacks. Red offered to handle equipment. After the umbrella incident, his request was denied.
Rainbow kept the mission’s final page folded shut. “All in good time.”
When Shanna read the earlier pig story, she laughed and asked, “So I’m a pig?” John thought the story was fantastic. Blue, meanwhile, wrote a note to himself: Do not let Shanna see the mission plan.
Then Shanna sent a photo of a mysterious staircase and asked, “Enter or don’t enter?”
Down below, the pigs went completely still.
“Is she coming down?” Blue whispered.
“That,” said Rainbow, “is up to the reader.”